The One With One Year

Ok, I'm back to this blog and it's almost a full year since the last I've posted. The primary reason was because I was heavily involved in work with my last company and there was absolutely no time for other things to be done. Being really busy was the norm then and life right now for me is purely simple and relaxed.

Here's some updates. I've left my last company because I'm currently pursuing my part time degree studies with SIM-RMIT University. What else can I study but Mass Comm right? heh. Desperately studying for my M5, M9 and Health Insurance exams too because I'd be joining Prudential as a Financial Consultant. Not advisor, but consultant and there's a huge difference in meaning to that.

I'd be back again. =)

The One With Updates

Busy busy busy! But like the catchphrase of Mac's, "I'm lovin it!". Will just add a "totally" behind the lovin for me. So for some who know, I've went back to Cafe del Mar to work, but had since left that place for the company I'm working now, Peter Knipp Holdings. It's a F&B consultancy company and I'm with the events team. Lucky me has 8 full timers who are all girls and 5 interns, 3 girls and 2 guys.

Quite alot of things to learn for me, cause I never really had a chance to type SO much during my last job and now using Excel like everyday man. I think I might be the next excel guru in time to come. Watch and pit your skills against me if you dare haha. Anyway, we are working on two projects now, they are the World Gourmet Summit (WGS) and the Singapore Food Festival (SFF). The WGS is just next month and for all you atas people out there, it's time for you to blow your dough on the best meals and exquisite culinary skills there is to offer. Be totally dazzled with the delectable cuisines available and get ready for yet another gastronomical event! More details, http://www.worldgourmetsummit.com/ . For those not so atas, you can try your hand at the SFF, happening this July. Be prepared to have your tummies filled with nothing but the best local dishes you can ever find and check your seatbelts ladies and gentlemen, you will be in awe when SFF comes around.

So Easter Vigil was great! Absolutely great! Loved all the songs we sang and I must say, if we do this every day, my united nations will probably just be nice six countries sitting back to back each other. Hahaha. There were so many hymns and most of them had to be sung over and over again during it's duration.

Let me update once again when I'm free but for now, it's back to excel, booklet co-ordination and more work. =)

frustrations

The One With Frustrations

I want to help. I cannot stand the feeling of seeing my closest friends backslide and move away from church. I cannot just sit and watch them feel that whatever the ways that they are leading are in the best interest of their lives. I want to ask, I want to know why we have so many people from the Catholic faith moving away from the church. Are other Christian churches out there really much better and more interesting than us? What causes these movements? Is is because our priests are too naggy? Is it because the Mass is all but just one hour of boring sit down nagging session?

Where the hell are these parents of these children? Whatever happened to their promise to God on their wedding day at the altar, saying that they will bring up children of God and teaching them the right values and morales of the Church? Why do they even bother to have children and not BOTHER about their religious life? Is making money and putting food on the table so important? Ah yes, you may wish to argue and say, "But Adrian, you dont have children or a family to support. How would you know that its not tough to be a parent? How would you know it's a great challenge to teach them the word of God?" Oh yes, I agree, it's damn tough to be a parent.

I'm not saying that I'm fantastic in my Bible knowledge or want to preach and say that oh, other people are not as holy as me and I should just stand clear of their way, because it's sinful to mix with them. I'm not holy, I'm sinful. I indulge in so many forms of temptations that the church teaches us never to indulge in. My parents are doing their best to teach me what's right and wrong and I'm sure all parents around the world are doing the same to their children and it is always up to them to make the choice. Like this priest who will always say, "The Choice, Is Yours."

Yes, the choice is always ours. But why are there so many people who make the wrong choices and never at all see a need to make the right one? I know those who have backslided are blinded. Blinded by the choice that they make. Knowing that the choices that they make will make them happy. But by missing out on the community of church friends, missing out on the sacraments and missing out on the sharing of our Gospel, they are making the wrong choice. I'm not being harsh but I'm being judgemental. I am always judgemental, towards others and myself.

I don't think what I'm saying is wrong. I don't agree when someone tells me that by going to church every sunday, going for Novena services and going for choir practices or singing in the choir will not bring me up to heaven. I'm not saying that it does! But I know that I'm fulfilling my duties as a Catholic. To receive the sacraments, to have a community of like minded church friends and to spread the Gospel to the best of my knowledge. You mean, by telling me that my duties in church and my spending time with my family will not put food on the table is right? Are you perhaps telling me that I should not go for Mass every Sunday like you? You mean that by telling me although you don't go to church, you are sinless so you are a very holy person? You kid no one, but yourself. Only those who truly acknowledge that they are sinless and who do not need Christ in their lives are advocates of Satan.

I acknowledge that I am weak in the spirit and I go to church to be nourished. To be nourished by God's works and words through people, through the priest and through homilies. To hopefully change and be a better person than I was yesterday or the day before. What's wrong with the desire of wanting to change? The primary aim of having confessions is for us to acknowledge and challenge us to be better Christians, to be closer to our faith, to give us the knowledge that we know we sinned, and are prepared to change for the better. To understand the fundamentals of confession, we have to reconcile with ourselves. Only by doing that, we are able to reconcile with others and the way we treat them.

Being judgemental is fine, as long as you are doing that to yourself as well. The key word here is to challenge yourself and challenge others in knowing how to lead a better and closer life with Christ. That's all that is about to being a Christian, isn't it? As cliche as it may sound, but yes! To make this world a better place, isn't it?

It's never easy to forgive and forget, but do we put in mind those who have forgiven and forgotten our faults that we made to them? So shouldn't we try to forgive and forget others? Even for those who have tried their best to make amends, should they be casted and chucked aside? Shouldn't a chance be given to them to make amends?

We all have our negative personalities and characteristics. It is impossible to be perfect, but it is possible to work towards that goal. Only when you have a goal in mind, will you work hard towards it and cherish that sweet victory of conquering your goal. Even if you fail, try and try again. There's no harm to it, is there?

Too Tough

The One Where Keeping Still, Steady and Standing Gets Too Tough

To blog, I would need a lot of inspiration to talk about matters or problems that are on going in my life, since they are all that is happening to me right now. Clicking back and re-reading my old posts, I could honestly miscount on the number of happy posts that I had. I know the word happy or sad could very well be superficial, they are words that can hold meaning to so many events that lead up to how a person feels. And right now, I'm feeling really lousy, really broken, and any other similar adjectives or verbs that can be fit into just putting my point across.

In some of my posts, I would talk about asking and advising others not to give up hope. Not to be taken to despair but brace up and march along forward. I liken life to be just like continuous swimming. When you start off, the laps are breezy and easy to get along with and that's when the analogy of our parents come in where they'll take care of our every needs and wants as a baby. Come the 10th lap, you'll feel the slight toil of the heart pumping harder and harder for more oxygen, but the situation is still easy to press on. This speaks of our days in school, where studies mounts up and play an important part of our foundation building in life. There absolutely should be no distraction for when there's a destructive break, the career in life will not be smooth sailing. But even at that moment, we fret not, for our parents and friends are there to put an arm around us and say, "its ok, you can do it." Adding that statement with a smile or maybe two.

Come the 20th lap or more, you will start to think "should I stop at the 30th or 40th, or take a break now to ensure a longer distance of swimming?" We take too many breaks in life, and these breaks are sometimes good, while most are bad if taken for a long period of time. How do we cross the finishing line and meet our ultimate goal and at the same time completing minor and major goals along the way? Perseverance and the thirst for wanting to learn helps a lot if not fully.

Digressing, I was talking about how I would urge others never to give up, because if they think of this as a positive way, they will see that whatever troubles that they are facing, it could never be as comparable to others who would be facing troubles that are 10 or 100 times worse than them. This principle has always stuck to my mind and I will always use it each time I feel dragged down like a thousand bricks pulling me down in the pool.

As always, it never is easy to pick ourselves up and we can never do it alone, no matter how strong our minds are. There will be people, things, events, situations, our favorite things in life to help us get by. Sometimes even temptation will gladly help us get by our troubles. It is so easy to brood over a predicament over a glass of drink and allow it to bring us to another world where imperative events can just wait that moment for our attention to come later. Taking sips, gulps or simply just downing the glass can effectively bring us to another realm. It indeed is easy to take flight, but escapism is never ever the passport to accomplishments. It only stones us momentarily and takes away the precious time we have in solving the crux of the problem.

That being said, I still need a listening ear, someone to just listen and let me be who I want to be just for that moment and perhaps take it through with that form of escapism that's mentioned above. I guess, a glass or two won't hurt. For when times like these come about, keeping still, steady and standing will prove to be just a tad too tough for me. And sometimes, I'd just like to say,

noah and allie

The One With Noah And Allie

The gorgeous story of Noah Calhoun and Allie Hamilton tells us very much of a simple tag line, "Behind every great love is a great story". I remember catching this awe inspiring movie a couple of years ago and it struck me to be a powerful and captivating movie of a boy, probably when he was 20 and a girl, 17 having one of the greatest love stories of all time. It begins with an elderly man, always eager to start his day as he reads to his wife who stays at an aged home and suffers amnesia.

He would always be encouraged whenever she responds happily at any point of the story which gives him the hope of her recovering and finally remembering who he was, the love they shared when they were younger and the family that they have. From the first moment he saw her, he knows for a fact who she'd be to him for the rest of his life. A person never willing to accept failures, he tried a couple of times in asking her to go out with him and to know what sort of a person he really was. Being as sincere as he could be, Allie was drawn to him like bees to honey. It wasn't before long that they dated and could never be separated at any times of the day. They spent their summer at the beach, in the parks, in the movies, in the countryside lakes, she learning how to drive from him and him learning that he loves her more and more as each passing day comes.

Arguments among the both of them were aplenty but that has never wavered the love that they have for each other. It was as solid as a diamond and as strong and fit as a fiddle. Sadly though, both of them were from a different ends of a financial string. Noah's family was from the countryside and Allie's were from the rich, wealthy and learned. She plays the piano and paints for pleasure and he works at a construction side and builds furniture for pastime. Surely needless to say, Allie's parents despised him and feels that she shouldn't be mixing with the likes of Noah and his friends. Staying steadfast in her love for Noah, she chose to stand by him but could not eventually defy her parents as they forced her to live in New York, far away from where Noah would be. Noah then proceeds to mull over her and being the hopeless romantic that he was, he would write her a letter every single day for 365 days straight. However, Allie never replied, not because she didn't want to, but because her letters were kept by her mother who totally disapproved of their relationship.

In time, Allie read in the papers of Noah renovating a house that she loved and that was how she was reminded of him. Despite being engaged to her fiance, she took time and returned to the countryside where Noah lived and they rekindled their romance and cleared up whichever misunderstandings that they had. It wasn't easy for her to make the decision of leaving her fiance, but her heart told her what she needed to do, after seeing the great pains that Noah invested in rebuilding the house in her memory.

Great love speaks not just in words, but through actions and it is important that if we do love someone, whether is it a relative or a person whom you feel you can spend the rest of your life with, never take a moment and be laid back, for when there is a time for you to express your love, do it. Most of us live with regrets and mulling over things that we should've done to make the other party happy, but what is the point when you had the chance, but never want to do it? Most importantly of all, it doesn't really matter how the other party feels at the end of the day, but what really matters is that you did what you had wanted to do, thus living without regrets.

Tribute

The One With The Tribute

Click on song number 10, "Candle In The Wind" as you read this post. Back in the year 1997, I was just a boy struggling to get acquainted with the new life of secondary school and the enormous workload of my studies that I had to compare with the primary school standard. Well, this entry is definitely not about my 1st year in secondary school, but it is a tribute to the late Princess Diana of Wales.

It was a time when Britney Spears and The Spice Girls weren't so popular, well at least the latter was up and coming but not the former as she wasn't so heard of. It was also a time when everyone was discussing about the big year 2000, also known as the millennium and whether the second coming of Christ would be upon us. During that period of time, I remember coming home one day and my parents informed me the news of the passing of the late Princess Diana of Wales and my mother was especially upset but I didn't know the reason why. Perhaps it was because Princess Diana was a beautiful person, not just with her looks but as well as her perfect personality mixed with her charisma, high profile charity and public work. My family and I joined about the 2.5 billion worldwide and watched her funeral on the television days later. It didn't occur to me how this special person has touched the lives of millions until I read about her in the papers. It seems, that she has set a role model and standard for all of us to follow not just with charity work, but also showing us that although she is a Princess, it didn't hinder her from getting close to AIDS victims.

Princes William and Henry or Harry (where some may refer him as), may not have led the lives they thought they would have. It isn't usual for a person to be laden with the sadness of losing his mother and it had happened to the two young princes. Coupled with the stress they had to go through in school and also with the handling of the media at such a young age, it wasn't at all easy to accept the passing of their mother. But they should be able to take comfort that the world is with them in recognition of the work their mother has done for the less fortunate.

Mother Teresa with Princess Diana


Today the 31st of August 2007, marks a decade since the passing of the world's most loved princess and she indeed lives to her title as the "People's Princess". Although she hasn't made a significant impact to my life, but I'm sure with those whom she has touched, she will never be forgotten. Rest in peace princess, your family and the world will always remember you as "England's rose" and "the candle in the wind".

Knot

The One With The Knot Untied

And at last, the knot is untied and I feel a little much better to be back here and do what I did love to do in the past, that is to type out my thoughts in chunks and rattle off endlessly. As I listen to Kevin Kern's tracks over and over on my iTunes, my eyes would close and I'd pause on typing and think back about the past, the cheerful and fun times, the sad and uncomfortable ones and also sometimes the inevitable heart wrenching ones. As the music changes its tempo and mood, I too, would feel the difference in my heart and at times, I'd let out a large sigh and think to myself, "why didn't I do or say this?" or "why did I say or do that?". There's so much that we can only do to regret in life, and staying regretful is something we cannot afford to do. For where is the joy in doing that? You'll only cause yourself heartaches and frustrations and it'll be present there in your subconsciousness in everything that you do in your daily work and chores. And that is such a no go man I tell ya.

So I'm pretty happy the knot is untied and I can go back to my usual life, not thinking about the questions that frequently come about in my mind. It's a nice feeling to be free, free from worries that you worried so much before, free from anxieties that'll grip you at every other moment of your day. I won't say that I'm absolutely elated with the decision that was finally made, but I'm pretty sure it's for the best and in all truthfulness, I really have no awkward feelings to it now that the air is finally cleared. Most things will end of on a sour and unhappy note, but such is life and we've to live with it right? There are too many outcomes that we hope will happen for our sake and for our benefits but if God were to allow every outcome to be what we hope for it to be, then won't this place just be too picture perfect? No no, it can't be and it never will be. We have to understand and acknowledge that every single outcome that happens, it remains as a test, a test to make you stronger and bigger willed to make your next attempt a far more superior and improved one.

More things can be said for I've plenty to go on about this, but when things have reached this juncture, not much can or could be said. What's most important is not to regret, look back and sigh a good deal, but to look forward and onward into a future brimming with opportunities and gleaming chances that awaits you. The past is only present for us to learn from it and the present is the key to a successful future if we work towards it.

The One With Flaunt It Baby!

relationships/

The One Where Disappointment Drags Me Down A Pool With A Thousand Bricks

It's been a long time since the last entry and whenever I've the mood to blog, something would always come up and suddenly it feels really difficult to blog about it. Have you ever held on to something or someone really precious in your hands and told yourself that even if you were to die, you'd never let it go? Or perhaps if you had to let it go to something or someone else, you would say you will rather die than to give it up. I'm sure for a 100% that you've been in such a confusion. Complexities in life have never at all failed to amaze me and what conclusions can I ever come up to it? Sometimes with an answer, sometimes never having one. Because for a fact, complexities are meant to be solved and sometimes no matter how hard I try to solve a problem, (usually like right now, we are talking about human to human problems) I can solve it. But you know, there are just some instances when I totally can't and I feel very much at a total lost now, for it frustrates me completely. I don't want to give up what I'm holding on to, because I believe that through the characteristics and personality that I see and experience, I know that this is what I've been hoping for, for the past 23 years of my life.

As much as I can say how private a blog can be, it could also be a very very public one. I try not to say whatever I have in my heart and as a result, let out only a minor fraction of a story I choose to tell. Sometimes however, it could be the complete story if you knew me well enough and understand what I've been trying to say in all my entries. When it comes to relationships, I'd try to be as private as I can about it, but sometimes it's just difficult when everyone starts probing. This is a problem because sometimes you'd feel that that person might not be "The One" for you and you know it wouldn't last, hence not wanting everyone to know about it. However, there can only be one ultimate time when you've decided and hoped that the person you are seeing could be "The One" but you still can't tell the whole world because the person might not necessarily hope that you are "The One". Get my drift?

This is not a complex point, however, it is indeed a disappointing point. I've never talked about my past relationships or posted photos of them because I've never at all felt that they could be the ones I'd spend a long and considerable amount of time with and journey with them during the important milestones of my life and theirs'.

Because when this is a blog that is made public, everyone, even people I do not speak with in years could read what is going on in my life, they could see that in this instance, Kelly is the only girlfriend that I've featured and anyone would know that although I don't speak much about her, she is and surely will always be the most important person in my life, besides my family that is.

When I look at my sister and my brother in law and the beautiful and growing relationship they've had for these 9 years, (8 years in courtship) I look at myself and wonder, what exactly is wrong with mine? Because for a simple fact, for the past 4 months, I felt that I've found someone that I've been really looking for all this time and she possess all the qualities I hoped for in a girlfriend. Forgive me readers, as you might feel that you wouldn't want to read this. I'd understand for sometimes when I read about relationships in blogs, I'd shake my head and mumble that it is something so private, so you should keep it to yourself. Somehow, I thought I'd share on this aspect in my life, because I've always been quiet and evasive on it. This time however, it is important to me because I'm taking it seriously. I think that after the struggles, this might be the end, yet again for me and I've to hold in my hands another relationship that is destroyed. Many have asked why I've not been my usual self or always looking tired, my answer would always be school and projects, but I know my real answer is in racking my brains to salvage a relationship I hold with her that I put so closely to my heart. Some might say "she is just another girl, another passing person." But I'd like to correct that she is not. You'd know it when you meet one. Trust me on this. This is not about being impractical and ignoring my sleep or ignoring things that I ought to do. I still do my school projects, I still go to work, I still go for choir practices and church and I still hang out with friends. Sometimes I would ask myself, why am I trying so hard, despite this same problem happening over and over and over again? I feel so tired, so frustrated, sometimes even angry at the situation that I absolutely have no control over. I would come up with excuses to say, this is a passing phase, it'd go away very quickly in time to come and with proper understanding, proper sit down discussions to eliminate the threats, it'd be solved. True enough, it did. But I cannot understand at all, why is it always coming back? As a result, I'd lose faith in it, that's why I'm blogging about this, because I don't know how to be happy in this relationship anymore. I don't know how to save it, I don't know what else I could do or say. All I know is, if that similar decision has been decided over and over again, it would be difficult to reverse and remedy. Two remedies I know can solve this,

1. Solve the previous problem and never bringing it up again which is hard for it involves feelings.

2. Let you have what you feel is the right situation and never turning back with no regrets.

As I heaved a large sigh, I honestly do not know how I can continue blogging from here. As the heading suggest, the feeling I have right now is like having a thousand bricks bounded and tied to me while I take the plunge of life and it is a sheer struggle to keep myself afloat. It takes many moments of trepidation before I type out the next every single word because this is a gamble I'm taking. This would either make or break the relationship that I have come to love the most. Maybe in this course of road that we take, we can never make sure what lies ahead of us and what we can only do is to solve and rectify the problems that come our way. I've always been practical in this sense, but however, I'm deemed by you to be an idealist. Now, its not just feelings of apprehension but it even comes to my brows furrowing with frowns that I just cannot seem to take away. I'd love to stay and make this work for I've envision what our lives could be together. Selflessly, I know for a fact if you don't feel the same way, I simply cannot force and dictate that you stay with me. I wish I could be selfish and always hold you on in my arms, to be your protector, your source of happiness, that shoulder you can always count to lie upon and that hands that will always be there to comfort you and hug you when things go wrong.

Sadly, as much as I would want to do this all just only for you, you might feel I might not be the one for you. The problems we face can and will be worked on, as long as we unite and counter them together with sacrifices that we can make to make it all better once again. All I ask is for you to reconsider this relationship that we have, the effort, time and energy that we've put in because our chance meeting in the pool was never a deliberate one, for it surely was the work of nature and the right timing. Never have I been happier in my life for having to meet you was one of the greatest things that has happened for me.

My past relationships have all been lessons for me and they were all stepping stones to correct my faults and failures. To make me learn and understand how to be in a relationship, how to be loving and understanding. They were all lessons intended for me, just to prepare me and be ready for you. One cannot force another to feel the same way, perhaps we weren't meant to be but if you share my views, I hope you can consider and don't let this all just fade away. I ask of you, please.

Thoughts

The One With Some Thoughts.. Just Some..

You know there are times when you just hope that certain things just don't befall on you? Like when you see someone fall and break an arm, you'd cringe and hope that it doesn't happen to you. Or maybe perhaps when you see a friend who is lovelorn and sad that his relationship didn't work out, you'd feel for him and secretly cross your fingers and hope that it doesn't happen to you. How about the time when you saw someone spilt a big dash of gravy on his white shirt and you wish for that moment, that it wouldn't happen to you next.

Have you ever asked why does this world often bother so much about a person's qualifications, his choice of work or what he drives? I'm sure you have and it'll hit you hard if you are that person who don't possess whatever qualification that you'd need or work in a job that earns respect and not a receive a frown upon knowing what you do. Sometimes when life may seem so smooth flowing with everything going your way and you'd do your best in every single way possible to enhance the preventive measures to keep whatever that may go wrong happen, and there's always or rather a sudden "but still.." And so "but still.." will always happen in our lives. You can never make sure that everything will go your way and be smooth flowing. There are a billion and one factors to sway you out of the current path you take and these factors can hurt you so much and you'd wish that it had never happened to you. Don't you feel that sometimes you'd hope that something bad will never happen in any situation you're in and that when you feel safe for that moment or longer, and suddenly at the next instant, it is taken away from you. Just like that, at the snap of the fingers and at the blink of an eye.

Why is it so painful, you may ask. Why did this have to happen to me, why does it even have to happen at all. Such questions go through the minds of millions around the world and the only consolation that they could get is if they think about the rest of the population and the problems that they've encountered might be a 100 times far worse than whatever they themselves have gotten. Truly, only the strong in mind would be able to surpass fears of anxiety, loneliness and heartbreak. We were given a brain to think, to multitask, to control and balance how we'd feel in different situations and circumstances. We have the ability to know what we want and execute our thoughts into deeds and be happy with what we were given but how many, are able to be strong in that factor? It is so difficult to be stuck in a moment you just can't get out of and that moment can be so excruciatingly painful. Sometimes when you feel all alone, you get funny thoughts in your mind, you get to be paranoid and you start to think about so many things that may not even happen.

But you know, as much is being said, this is life. Handle it well, because it's yours. I've my own struggles to upkeep and they aren't easy at all. So many have said, "you will enjoy the fruits of you labour." Or, "you reap what you sow". Maybe if they are referring to bad karma, I'd understand. But what I don't understand is when many who've tried their best, utmost best in fact, but they do not receive the fruits of their labour. They would feel that "you know, yes! this is it, I've found what I've been looking for and I'm gonna treasure and cherish this with all my might, heart and soul". As cliche as this may sound, but it goes through the minds of many when they've achieved something that may seem unattainable. I've so many things so say, so many things I want to rectify, so many things I'd love very much to do but I feel strapped to my chair, locked in a cell so invisible, but yet, it seem so real.

The only way to heal is, Time. For time is a wonderful gift that's given to us to make proper use of. It is infinite and the only way to handle it is with management and patience. Men since the ancient times, have always had the need to be tempted by so many things around him and he has always been saying things he'd do, and promises that he'd keep. How many, oh how many have stuck to their oath and made good their word? I shall wait, wait and hope for something beautiful to happen again and if fate decrees, it shall be what it should be. Sacrifices should always be made in life because you do know that when you sacrifice something, another good thing will appear, hopefully of course..

It's late, I've to go and this time I've to force myself to sleep because I've classes at 9am. Beating the traffic with a big bike with two side boxes seem always so stressful and I hope that these 6 crucial weeks, I can be strong enough to have a clear mind whenever I'm on the road because I've not accomplished what I've planned to do. Wish me luck and include me and all others in your prayers and I ask humbly for strength and a positive attitude to march on this passage of quiescence.

Remember, treasure the things and the people you have around you. Really, treasure it dearly and relish each and every moment of it for it is important to do so. Trust me, you'll never know how hard it'll hit you until it happens to you...